This is not an easy thing to do, yet she handled it with grace. She knew she had made mistakes- she had treated others poorly and she needed to apologize.
As I read the words that she had written, I was challenged. Have I always apologized for my bad behavior? Have I been quick to seek reconciliation when I have hurt others?
If I am being honest, the answer to this would be no. Oh, I am always willing to apologize for my wrongdoing in a situation if the other person comes to me first. But to take that step of humility and to apologize when I don't feel like it? I confess that I am not great at this.
I wonder how many people I have wronged in my life because I have not sought reconciliation. When I look back at the times when I have been hurt, I can clearly see how I responded badly. I allowed my selfishness and my pride determine my responses. I behaved just as badly as my little girl- sulking and pouting in the corner.
And while I truly believe that "hurting people hurt people", it doesn't make it okay. I can see how I have allowed my hurts to become an excuse- a justification for my bad behavior.
I used to think that if I did take that step and say "I'm sorry", then reconciliation would always be the result. I now know that this is not always the case. There have been times when I have written those letters of apology and I have not received a response. There was no reconciliation. And there are other situations when I have been completely written out of someone's life and reconciliation is not an option.
These relationships lost still hurt. I still have unanswered questions. I wonder why things happened the way that they did.
I was reading in John 14 this morning and finished my reading with an encouraged heart.
Do not let your hearts be troubled.
Trust in God; trust also in me.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.
I do not give to you as the world gives.
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
(the words of Jesus~ verses 1 and 27)
I am pretty sure that I will have more opportunities to say "I'm sorry" in the future. I mess up. I desperately need grace.
But these words of Jesus comfort me. I do not need to live with a troubled heart. He wants me to trust in Him and He offers peace. I do not give to you as the world gives. He will not meet my apologies with a cold shoulder or a deaf ear. He will not withhold reconciliation.
I don't know how the recipients of my daughter's letters will respond. I don't know that they won't hold her bad behavior against her.
What I do know is that I intend to wrap her in truth from God's word- these same truths that have comforted her mama today!
So very true. while the words are hard to say, the feeling of forgiveness, the weight release, the restoration are so worth it. Thank you for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the God work.
What a great thing to start practicing at an early age. I think saying you are sorry only gets harder over time if it's not something you are "comfortable" doing. I know it's never easy, but the more it's done, the better you get at it. Yet again, you are such a wise example for me.
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